Golly, this might need to be scanned again, but on a real scanner. This green pen never scans well, I guess. Hell, it’s sorta hard to read on the actual paper. Nonetheless, I give you 2 Models:

I had thought I’d clean house after my renewal ritual, but I was too pumped up from the abyssopelagically cold water on my face, the long process of shaving off beard hairs that keep clogging a razor, the excitement of chopping off head hairs to myriad lengths and the terror of thinking Sheba was dead.

So I turned on the World Baseball Classic and did crunches and push-ups. Yeah! How you like me now! I hadn’t done working out in at least as long as I hadn’t shaved, which is about three years. It felt so good I popped in Wii Sports and did some boxing. Yes, that is exercising. At least the way I do it. Plus I did jumping jacks whenever my opponent or I was on the canvas. Work it! Hit it! Punch it!

Now that I don’t have a beard, I’m not trying to be a grown-up illustrator. Instead I’m a baby comic book artist. And if we make plans to meet somewhere, and some really pale 16 year-old kid starts coming at you from the crowd, it’s me.

After a month or so of fashioning Mii caricatures and posting them on the Check Mii Out Channel, I found myself looking at people and contemplating which features I would use from the exquisitely limited Mii palette. One lady’s eyes could be a perfect match for those really angular ones on the second page, or some guy’s hair could be decent with that pompadour-ish ‘do. (When I realized I should spend more energy drawing the specific angle of a nose than trying to find a close approximation on the Wii, I started the Celebrity Saturday series.)

I submit Miis to the weekly Check Mii Out contests (the people at Nintendo chose a theme, the people at home try to match it, and then judge which characters are the best fit). I obsess over how my little guys are doing on the Posting Plaza (the people at home toss up their best creations, and then give thumbs ups to the ones they like).

Well dudes, after a year of toiling in agony and obscurity, I’ve finally made the A List; I’m the Number 83 Mii Artisan. If I haven’t made myself clear enough, this is at least as good as discovering your high school lacrosse team is ranked among the Top 50 nationwide. It’s probably even as good as producing a movie that wins the Oscar for Best Sound Editing.

But that’s not all! Doo-oods, my Sarah Palin is tenth in the nation!!!!!!!! That’s like…! fuckin…I don’t know, say, winning six Gold Medals at the Olympics, o-kay?? [Actually, it was eight. -Precise Pat]

For realz:

Always-comin-through Jen May curated a group show that’s hanging in her apartment hallway Little Omar’s Gallery, and it’s all about roses!! My contribution is called “By Any Other Name” and it’s all about Gertrude Stein!!! And gold, no less!!!! Exclamation!!!!!